I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
