Only a mothe r could love this liver
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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