guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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