IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
