I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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