Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
