A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
