No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
