she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
