a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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