He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
