i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
