all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
