My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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