she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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