it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
