She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
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