after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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