Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
