i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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