Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
