So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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