And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
