Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
