What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
