took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
