YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Randomize
