she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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