what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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