woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
