And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
