oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
