i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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