you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
