the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
