I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Don't make out with my wife yet
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
