he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
