ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
