I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
