I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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