Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
