Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
