dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
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