just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Found the puke drawer
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
