He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
