My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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