So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
