some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
