i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
