I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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